Higher Ground Haven

Emotional Support For Intuitive Souls Who Endured Some Holiday Blues

Posted on January 2, 2013 by Roxanne

Hello everyone. I am feeling deeply contemplative as we all start back to work and into our regular routines. Being a highly empathetic person (an empath) I am feeling that many have struggled to understand their confusing emotions during the last two weeks. The end of the year can be a time of emotional turmoil and upheaval for highly intuitive compassionate souls in recovery from a difficult childhood–we often absorbed the pain of those less compassionate in our families and blamed ourselves for it–at a time when we wanted to be loved and seen and to be celebrating the holidays.

Now that you are older and wiser, you know how to create the kind of holiday support that you want and you have been successful at creating a safe circle of support for yourself. But because you are safe now and your soul is stronger and you are striving to reach some new goals and dreams it is very likely that some of the pain you internalized as a tiny child was coming “up” to heal at a time when you wanted to be happy and celebrating like everyone else.

When pain comes up when things are going well, it is a layer of repressed energy coming up to be healed–and to show you what you endured in early childhood and what caused you to form some unhealthy core beliefs about yourself that are not true about you. This occurring is often really the pain of others that you absorbed when you were too little to understand your empathic abilities–it is not even “your” pain, you were probably a shining light of optimism in the face of much darkness as a child… but after a while our tiny spirits “give up” (around the age of 5 or 6) and go into hiding until it is safe to come out.

Now it is safe to come out and so that is why that pain is coming up–it is pain from the past just saying “hello here I am from the past”. Try to imagine yourself just waving and saying hello as it passes, like a train passing through, to teach you something you didn’t know about yourself. (Try this instead of allowing the pain to take you over and “believing” it.) It is teaching you that you are now wiser about your own strength and what you are capable of enduring. It is not the truth about “you”, it is just pain that you absorbed and believed that you deserved. But you didn’t deserve it. You were tiny and defenseless and misunderstood. This life is your journey to understand yourself and this pain happening is an opportunity. It helped me feel so much stronger when I read that Ekhart Tolle said that “we are not what happened to us, we are the presence that observes what happened to us”. It shifted me–it was a “aha” moment.

The pain was someone elses to begin with. And as a child someone blamed you for their pain and you had no choice but to take it and blame yourself for it because as compassionate souls we can’t “bear” the rejection we would have had to endure if we had gotten mad about how we were treated. The messages about our deserving the pain belongs to an inner critic we developed in our heads that is a “liar” about you–it is wrong about you and you did not deserve to have the pain of others put on you like that.

Jaycee Dugard, the kidnap victim said after her release, “I will not feel shame about what happened to me, it is “his” shame he put on me and I will not spend a second allowing it to keep me from enjoying the rest of my life!”(–this is not an exact quote, I heard her speak on a tv show.) I am amazed at her strength and clarity about what happened and how to move forward. It shows she had a strong core of love for herself before she was so brutally victimized.

So, I believe it is very helpful to visualize the pain and shame as negative energy going back to where it came from or away from you and visualize love and light from the Universe or nature in a protective bubble around you or angels wings embracing you with comfort and nurturing love. This love is real and available to you anytime if you can just allow yourself to be open to it. Nature can be a loving source of healing for any time you experience negative energy (emotional pain) intruding in your life. The elements of nature absorb negative energy and give you back positive energy. If you can’t get outdoors to be recharged, you can hold flower petals or leaves in your hands and imagine sending the negative energy into it (you can’t hurt nature–it is able to replenish itself), or in a shower you can visualize the negative energy being washed out of you and down the drain and replenishing your body with love and light.

I hope this information is helpful and helps you understand the often confusing process of emotional healing recovery for highly intuitive souls. Most important, be very kind and gentle to yourself and know you are supported by the Universe (Mother Earth, God) and you are here for higher reasons. You are healing when you feel the pain and release it–that layer of pain is gone forever.

I am wishing you peace and love as we begin a New Year with tender feelings left over from the Holidays. You now know more about yourself and what you deserved from the painful upheaval of feelings from the past that may have come “up” over the holidays. Gentleness is the answer–be gentle on your compassionate soul each and every day and your message of gentleness will spread to others. Perhaps this is the reason you are here on the planet–to spread this healing message of the grace and calm of “gentleness”. But first you must learn to be gentle to yourself. You deserve to be bathed in the light of calm and gentle… love.

With loving support,

Roxanne

Posted in Comforting Yourself, Encouragement, Posts, Releasing the Painful Past, Rise Above the Negativity, Tap into Universal Love, Wounded at the Core | Tagged core beliefs, Folk Rock Songs for the Soul, God, heal, healing, highly intuitive people, HSPs, inner child healing, intuitive, positive, Songs For the Healing Soul, The Universe | 6 Comments

For The Highly Intuitive or Highly Sensitive–Emotional Healing Will Give Rise To Our Most Compassionate Leaders

Posted on September 1, 2012 by Roxanne

Hi everyone. Talking about intuitive (N) types as a group is rarely done but I believe it is so important to talk about us as a group so that we can support each other in a big way. We are a diverse group but as I mentioned on the home page, we are the compassionate gifted souls that are only 20% of the population–the planet needs us to rise up out of our self-doubt and take our places at the helm as leaders so we can inspire others in a new direction for a new and more highly conscious earth!

Maybe you have heard of the new trend of being a highly sensitive person (HSP) made popular by Elaine Aron’s Book the Highly Sensitive Person and her research on sensory-processing sensitivity. There is growing support for this group as highly intuitive feeling types (NFs) identify with being overstimulated, overwhelmed, and now have support in overcoming the stigma attached to the word “sensitive”. As an INFJ I am so grateful that finally someone scientifically minded with a Ph.D. did the research and came out and said it was a gift to be sensitive! Hooray! There are also quite a few INTJs and INTPs that identify with this group as well.

My observations of this recent popularity with being an HSP is that it attracts more women than men and also more introverts than extroverts. I feel there is a portion of highly sensory-sensitive people who are left out of feeling supported by this group because of the word ” SENSITIVE”. Many left brained, high achieving male intuitive thinking (NT) types would not feel comfortable proclaiming they are highly sensitive–the word is just too much to overcome with much of society associating it with weakness and insecurity. That is not at all what is meant by the word in reality–sensory-sensitivity has to do with the result of a highly creative mind that is caring and compassionate at heart! When you have an amazing imagination and also an empathetic and compassionate heart and a deeper introspective outlook on life the result can be that you are overstimulated in comparison to the practical sensing (S) types of people who are 80% of the population!

So it made sense to me to write about highly intuitive souls as a group to include those ENTPs and ENTJS and others who don’t want to call themselves “sensitive”. I understand this. These extroverted intuitive men who lead with their left brain are not resonating with the HSP craze so I hope what I have created is a support community for all highly intuitive souls so as not to leave out any type out that really deserves recognition and support in their emotional needs. Yep, that is right, I said “emotional” needs–both intuitive-feelers and intuitive-thinkers have emotional needs that need to be validated and addressed in their search for balance and vitality to get the most out of life.

How do I know this? Because as a life coach helping NTs and NFs suffering from self-doubt, anxiety, guilt, and depression, I have observed that the emotional release of pain and suffering from childhood emotional abuse is the same in both of these types. The emotional pain being released by NTs is almost more pronounced because of how NT children are so devastated by the unkind acts of others less compassionate and so they often completely shut down their access to their right brain’s creativity and positive emotions– they did this to avoid feeling any further emotional pain and especially the ridicule of being called “sensitive” was too much to bear! They then get by in a survival mode that is a “numbing out of their emotions” and rely mostly on what is logical, rational, and emotionless which unfortunately is highly praised in our achievement-oriented society. But then, when they search for relationships to satisfy their deep loneliness, their emotional unavailability often gradually becomes apparent and becomes a “problem” if they have a significant other in their life that is expecting them to show and express their love and a certain amount of emotional intimacy and gentleness.

The deep loneliness of both NTs and NFs is very similar for those who experienced a childhood that was less than compassionate at recognizing the gifts of the highly intuitive soul. The loneliness is a “symptom of the traumatic separation from the true self in early childhood” (Alice Miller–The Drama of the Gifted Child). World renowned psychologist Alice Miller talks of how, at the age of 5 or 6, it is typical of the gifted, compassionate child to “give up” due to the unbearable pain of not being “seen” and to repress and “split off” the true self where it remains dormant in the subconscious waiting until it is safe to come out later in adulthood. A false self is formed that is a people pleaser and obedient but lacking the vitality that is necessary to feel relaxed, have inner peace, or actualize the true potential.

When the adult reaches success later in life either when finding love or achievement, this is when the pain from the past comes up to be healed. Often these gifted intuitives are in denial about their painful childhoods so the pain coming up suddenly feels like a punishment and so they keep pushing it back down, again and again. But the pain can be worked through as it holds the keys to the true self being reunited again and the vitality of the spirit can be regained. This takes time but is so valuable once a client sees the relief of telling the truth about their childhood injustices and being validated by a kind and safe enlightened witness–they then begin to gradually feel joy and love for themselves like never before. Learning to forgive themselves and have compassion for their “wounded inner child” can unblock self-doubt and depression and lead to the client experiencing a new found spirituality as they are able to access their creativity that has been on the banished right side of the brain that they now have access to without fear of being shamed or punished for being too “sensitive”.

NFs can also experience this exact same split off of the true self in early childhood but since they lead with their right brain they often can re-access the banished emotions easier once they find a safe person they can really trust to talk it out with. Grieving the loss of the childhood is an important part of the process of emotional healing for highly intuitive souls who suffered from lack of support for their gifts as children. This is called inner grief work as they journal and talk out the truth of what really happened and put together the story that they had previously repressed from their memory because it was too painful to bear as children.

This is what I do as a specialist in inner child healing and it is the most rewarding work imaginable. My clients are the most kind, caring, and gifted people on the planet and it is my privilege to share in their self-awareness and growth as they heal their repressed and wounded parts and become whole again. It is an honor to be lifting up souls who have been in hiding and downtrodden, helping them to discover the light inside that has always been there, just waiting to be turned back on. You all have the power to turn up your lights that are just dimmed by the negative spiraling thoughts of the left brain–the side that houses the dreaded “inner critic” voice inside our heads. Both sides of the brain are meant to be working in balance together and this happening will help you find wholeness and vitality, express your true voice, and find your true purpose in life.

Ultimately the hope is that all highly intuitive souls will find their true purpose in life through emotional healing and our compassionate leaders will emerge to heal our planet and inspire peace among all of it’s inhabitants.

With loving support,

Roxanne

Posted in actualize the true potential, Compassion for your Inner Child, compassionate leaders, denial of painful childhood, finding your true purpose, Forming a False Self, Grief for Your Lost Childhood, grieving the loss of childhood, inner grief work, lacking vitality, negative spiraling thoughts, Posts, Rise Above the Negativity, Rise up from self-doubt, split off the true self, telling a safe person, uplift the soul, wounded inner child | Tagged compassion, compassionate, creative, deep introspection, depression, Elaine Aron, emotional healing, emotionally unavailable, empathetic, enlightened witness, ENTJ, ENTP, extrovert, false self, Folk Rock Songs for the Soul, gifted, gifted souls, grief work, healing, high achieving, highly intuitive people, Highly sensitive person, HSP, HSPs, INFJ, inner peace, INTJ, INTP, introvert, intuitive, intuitive souls, leaders, left-brained, loneliness, Mental Health, numbing emotions, obedient, overstimulate, overwhelmed, peace, people pleaser, self-awareness, sensitive, sensory-sensitive, shame, Songs For the Healing Soul, spirituality, survival mode, temperament types, unbearable pain | 5 Comments

Highly Intuitive People Can Find Happiness and Wholeness By Healing Their Inner Wounds

Posted on July 15, 2012 by Roxanne

Hi everyone! I hope you are having a good summer. I am and my heart seems to be bursting with the truth about the good and beauty I see in all things these days. Is it just me, or is the sky a little bluer on a clear day than it used to be? 🙂 The beauty of the blue color is striking to me. And the clouds…they seem fluffier, whiter, and more amazing than they appeared to me before. The large trees now appear to me to have the wisdom of the ages when you realize they have been growing and changing for 50 to 100 years or even more. They are so full of quiet wisdom as they stand majestic and tall overseeing all that goes on below providing shade but being nourished by the blazing sun on a clear day. In this state of deep appreciation for nature I feel recharged and renewed in my belief that the bad things that happen to us in life hold a new lesson to be learned about our own inner strength.

As highly intuitive souls (aka HSPs) we are recharged by being alone and “still” in order to hear our inner guidance–but society tells us we must connect with others at all times to be healthy and “normal”. The truth is we need to connect with our inner selves first and love ourselves exactly the way we are and have always been deep down inside. Then, when we are full of this self-knowledge and wisdom and love that comes from within, we can share it with others and have relationships that are deep and longlasting that are built on this foundation of love. When we connect with our true selves we then get the sense that we are not alone–that we have the ability to tap into the love that exists in the Universe (or God) who is on our side and supporting us at all times, no matter what life brings our way.

When we cannot find this love from within, it is important to realize that we must take some time to heal the wounds and blocks from the past that keep us from seeing ourselves clearly. Inner grief work is the brave thing to do. How do you do this when you are so busy as it is, you ask?–there seems to not be enough time for all the things you “should” be doing? The answer lies in the word “should” in your question. There are no “shoulds” in the creation of each of us. As souls who began as sparks of light from God above (or the Universe), we are each as unique as snowflakes. Finding out who we are and discovering how we really feel about things takes some time, effort, courage, and self-discovery.

I myself discovered that the best way to do this is by writing in a private journal (for my eyes only). Pouring out your pain and suffering in your writing may seem self-indulgent–which we were most likely taught is the wrong thing to do and something to be ashamed of. This shame was given to us by a society that has much fear and shoulds that have been drilled into us over generations. Fear is a the opposite of love and those with lower vibrations, steeped in negativity and less compassion for the feelings of others often believe that control and repressing emotions is working well for them. Less compassionate, practical people may appear to have it all figured out but this is just an illusion. Some may be unconsciously jealous of our abilities to recharge from within as intuitives–they cannot do it and so we are often the prey of those who are charismatic and charming on the outside but inside are lacking this self-love and the ability for deep introspection that is essential to finding wholeness in our lives.

As intuitives, we have the power within us all along just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Digging deep to find out our true heart’s desire is like being an archeologist digging for treasure that is buried in the past. World reknowned psychologist Alice Miller, in her book the Drama of the Gifted Child talks about the trauma at the age of 5 or 6 when we repress our true selves and form a false self to survive due to the unbearable feelings that we experience from the lack of support and love, and the negativity that we felt all around us. Then when we get stronger later in life, the pain comes up to heal to show us the truth of what we experienced as children but repressed (John Gray–How to Get What You Want…a Spiritual Guide).

The pain coming up later in life is a healing opportunity! Don’t try to avoid it, cover it up with pills or alcohol, mask it by keeping busy with perfectionism, workaholism, other compulsions, or by being the life of the party. All of these actions are taking you away from your true self and your chance for wholeness and vitality and a life well lived! Make some changes–some hard choices that cause you to slow down and put your self and your deep feelings first. Don’t listen to the naysayers who say it is wrong to spend time by yourself and on your self growth and development–they are only speaking from fear and a superficial ego that has been strongly encouraged and supported by a society that still has a survivalist and fear mentality.

Those who have been strong enough to speak out and stand out as brilliant visionaries have taken the road less traveled and listened to their own inner voice and unique genius. It is not easy to follow your heart instead of your head but it will reap rewards far deeper and long-lasting then you can ever imagine. Because your heart and the creative right side of your brain holds all the answers to finding the fruits of your pursuit of happiness. Ultimately, at your core are all of these good feelings: joy, excitement, fun, freedom, energy, exhilaration, creativity, imagination, and love. They may just be blocked by negative feelings that are fueled by core beliefs that were formed in childhood and early adulthood–when our genius or gift of intuition was met with jealousy, negativity, and even the actions of well-meaning people who were less insightful, less intuitive, and less compassionate than ourselves.

Basicly, when we were younger we believed the people in charge because we were dependent on them to survive or desperately needed the approval of our peers. But now YOU are in charge of you and these negative core beliefs about you may be coming up in the form of emotional pain, blocks, and hardship. It is a sign to change direction in your goals and unrealistic expectations for yourself. Stop trying to fit yourself into someone else’s vision of what a successful life looks like. A successful life is the one that utilizes “your” gifts and actualizes your own unique dreams and desires and no one else can know what that is but YOU. This takes time alone, self-reflection, and a desire to surrender to grieve all you may have lost in a childhood and early adulthood with no supportive peers or adults to encourage you and show you the way as a highly evolved soul with the gift of higher intuition.

Now you are an adult–you know how to seek out support from like-minded others and tune out advice from people who use manipulation and negativity to control you. In your heart, you know it is time to break away from people who make you feel bad about yourself as you truly are. One fifth of the population is highly intuitve and we are growing in confidence and strength as we find each other on the internet and unite to support each other. I feel this is my true purpose in life, to encourage and support the inner emotional healing of highly compassionate, intuitive souls who have lost their way. I did not find my true purpose alone–other intuitives before me helped me to find my true voice but I did have to have to have the courage to delve into the pain and see where my negative core beliefs about myself originated from.

In my writing I discovered an inner child who was hiding in fear but who had gifts that were covered up with self-doubt. Doubts are just “not believing in the truth of our gifts”–and the truth is each of you are awesome and gifted in your compassionate ways! To have compassion for others is THE greatest gift because when you can tap into this compassion and turn it towards comforting your self, you then begin to heal on a deep level and only then you will have more and more compassion to give to others. Alice Miller says that “when you begin to look for fulfillment and to protect the child within, the negativity will leave you and will fade” and your positive true nature will gradually begin to shine. To have a compassionate heart is to have a light inside that has the potential to be a beacon of hope to yourself and to others whose lights are still dim.

As you begin to feel better about yourself, helping others who are wounded at the core can help you to heal as well–as you see the gratefulness in their eyes you realize the power of love and how it can grow and spread infinitely. Ultimately, healing your inner wounds will lead you to the happiness and wholeness your soul is yearning for you to find.

With loving support,

Roxanne

Posted in Actualize Your Dreams and Desires, Comforting Yourself, Compassion is the Greatest Gift, Encouragement, Fear is the Opposite of Love, Follow Your Heart Instead of Your Head, Forming a False Self, Posts, Releasing the Painful Past, Surrender To Grieve, Take the Road Less Traveled, Tap into Universal Love, Wounded at the Core | Tagged Albert Einstein, Alice Miller, angels, brilliant visionaries, compassionate, compulsions, core beliefs, creativity, deep introspection, Drama of the Gifted Child, emotional pain, feeling numb, find my true voice, finding happiness, finding wholeness, Folk Rock Songs for the Soul, gain clarity, gifted, gifts, God, grief work, happiness, heal, heal the inner wounds, healing, healing blocks, higher intuition, higher power, highly evolved souls, highly intuitive people, How To Get What You Want...A Spiritual Guide, HSPs, imagination, INFJ, inner child healing, inner child hiding in fear, inner emotional healing, inner grief work, inner guidance, inner selves, inner strength, inner voice, intuition, intuitives, John Gray, journaling, Life Coach, love ourselves, lower vibrations, naysayers, overcoming shame, perfectionism, power of love, pursuit of happiness, recharged by nature, repressed truth, self growth, self-actualization, self-doubt, shine your light, shoulds, Songs For the Healing Soul, sparks of light, spiritual, surrender to grieve, The Universe, true heart's desire, true purpose, true selves, unbearable feelings, unblocking creativity, unique genius, vision, vitality, workaholism, wounds | 9 Comments

Take The High Road To A Haven For Compassionate, Intuitive People

Posted on May 22, 2012 by Roxanne

Hello and Welcome! This is the original post that was later copied and turned into my HOME page… so it may look familiar to you. 🙂

I am a Life Coach specializing in inner child healing for highly intuitive people. The intention of this blog is that it will be a supportive site for you to get inspired and feel uplifted, validated, and enlightened in a like-minded community of compassionate souls.

The highly intuitive soul is the person who is deeper, a higher-level thinker, a compassionate responder, to all that we come across in our daily lives. We are the potential visionaries, artists, scientists, philosophers, and composers. We are the entrepreneurs, the writers and poets, the psychotherapists and healers. We are the conservationists, nature-lovers, practitioners in alternative medicine, activists for human and animal rights, and the creative professionals in many fields of study. We are different from each other in many ways but what is the common thread among us is our compassionate spirit. Most intuitives have the depth of heart and compassion for how our lives affect the lives of others and we wish to not only cause no harm but enhance the lives of others who share the planet with us. We have the ability to look inward at ourselves as the first solution to a problem–to look for an inner guidance, a positive response, and what we can learn from each and every situation. We rarely blame, lash-out, or condemn others who are different from ourselves–we appreciate each other’s uniqueness. And if we ever do respond in less than a kind way we are quick to feel regret and remorse, admit our mistakes, and apologize genuinely from a heart full of empathy and compassion for those who may have been affected. Compassion for the feelings of others is the gift that unites most of us intuitives as a group and we are growing in strength and number to the benefit of the planet that we share.

Here are some more great quotes about intuition:

“The only real valuable thing is intuition”–Albert Einstein

“There is no logical way to the discovery of these elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance.”–Albert Einstein

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”–Steve Jobs

Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next.–Jonas Salk

It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my
intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. I work with it and rely on it. It’s my partner. –Jonas Salk

This blog is written as a support for all of the iNtuitive types. This includes INFJs, INTJs, INFPs, INTPs, ENFJs, ENTJs, ENFPs, and ENTPs–all of the intuitive-feeling types and intuitive-thinking types of temperament. Here all of you will find comfort, compassion, and encouragement in my articles written specifically for highly intuitive, aka highly sensory-sensitive people. (If you do not know anything about temperament types, it is explained very well in the Cognitive Style Inventory which can be found at this website. The best test to take in my opinion is the one in the book called Please Understand Me by Keirsey and Bates–although the Myers-Briggs Tests found online will give you a similar result to get you started.)

15 to 20% of the population is considered to be highly sensory-sensitive according to the research by Elaine Aron, PhD in her book The Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). To see how you score, take the self-test here at: www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm. To be highly sensory-sensitive is to have intuitive gifts and to be able to know, sense, create, or understand some things instinctively. Highly intuitive people take in 5 to 10 times more stimuli than the average person which can lead us to feeling very overstimulated at times. (Aron)

Many insensitive others we encounter do not recognize our gifts as we often don’t fit in–we are too hard on ourselves as we compare ourselves to others. Hence the reason for this blog!: Here you will have a safe haven that is a community of fellow compassionate responders. We are the opposite of nay-sayers–we are the positive-minded, seeking to rise above the negativity around us, to surround ourselves with loving, compassionate energy of the highest vibration, so that we may attract more and more positive people, things, ideas, and events into our lives. May we rise above the lower actions and be illuminated to higher heights in our hearts and minds. Here on HIGHER GROUND feel free to express your true voice–leave a comment or email me to submit a post as a guest writer or just stop by and read from time to time. I hope you’ll be inspired as we take the road less traveled–it is the high road to HIGHER GROUND.

With loving support,

Roxanne